If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
