you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
