I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
