Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
