hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize