Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
