You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
