I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
