God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They took my balls.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
