dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
