We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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