You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
