worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
