Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
