my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize