at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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