I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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