I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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