He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
