Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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