My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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