I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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