I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
