You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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