Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
