Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
