Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
