i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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