There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
