Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
