I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
try to milk me bitch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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