I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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