I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
