I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just google imaged poop.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
