i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
