I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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