I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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