At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
