Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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