i permit you to call me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
