In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How naked do you want me to be?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
