Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
