You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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