hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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