So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am available for nakedness
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize