Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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