Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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