Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
