you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
