failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
