but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I want her autograph on my taint
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
