And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
