I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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