So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
