Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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