Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
