I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
