i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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