dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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