I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
