Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
