I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
