Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
