They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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