sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
