if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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