i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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