Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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